Renes

I have to suppress another outburst and thus realise she is right. still, I was right. punishing me for never having heard of something, as if that's my fault. ~no Rene. not now. now you should be quiet about this~ ~but she...~ ~no. now quiet.~ ~fine~ I lie my arms around her. "no you shouldn't. it's okay. let it out. we can never solve problems unless we talk about them. and that's what you just did and you were right." ~today I even chose to stay longer to fight him instead of going home once he let me~ "I cared about it far too much. it was just a little" ~unjustified~ "detention. I can't turn back time and arguing won't bring the hour, that I would have to spend in detention for no reason," ~no, stupid Rene~ it slipped out "back either" ~I am still right. I didn't do anything wrong. that idiot.~

Rene: I push the other away. "You hate me now, for bringing it up again. I'm such an idiot, why can't I keep my mouth shut!" I get off the bed and go into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

(awe, I think both could sleep in the bathroom.)

I go to the bathroom. "yes you are. but not for bringing it up again, but for not seeing that I'm the bigger idiot. you are right, I paid more attention to him than you" ~well, that's what he wanted from the very beginning.~ "I am the idiot around here."

Rene: I back away from the bathroom door and the sound of the other's voice. I don't care anymore. I just want this whole nightmare to end.

"Rene, please come out and go to bed. this is you home, why should you be the one to sleep in the bathroom?"

Rene: Not listening, just like the other wasn't listening to me the whole time. Instead, I curl up in the bathtub and try to go to sleep.

I lean against the wall of the bathroom and slowly drift to sleep

Rene: The next morning when it's time to get up and go to school, I don't even bother to get up. I've stopped caring. School is no longer fun, Rene is no longer fun, what's the point of all this.

I wake up. there are some things I have to take care of in the bathroom. urgent things. I knock the door "urm, are you awake? I need to get in there really quick. please."

Rene: I know it isn't right for me to hog the bathroom all to myself. So I crawl out of the tub and over to unlock the door, afterwards I climb back in the tub and draw the shower curtain around so I don't have to see anything.

I quickly finish what has to be done and pull my panties back up. I go over to the tub. "I can't bear having you upset. please speak with me. tell me what would make you happy. I will do it, anything you ask for. anything to put a smile on your face again. I did so many many horrible things that I can't make up for, but please let me at least be a better boyfriend in the future. if you want to, I can leave your life for ever. just name your wish and it will be granted."

Rene: I roll over to face away from the other's voice.

"I will give you back your room. if you are searching for me, I'll be outside."

Rene: Doesn't say anything.

I sit down outside of the building and wait.

Rene: Has practically given up on life.

(stay away from the razor blades. they are not good for your health when you use them on your wrists.)

I sadly sit in front of the door and wait. it gets later and later. eventually it's noon.

(Quit reading my mind.)

Rene: I push the shower curtain away, looking at the medicine chest where I keep the razors I use to shave my legs.

(she is male, so I suppose he also shaves her chin)
(but mind reading is fun)

after several hours I get up. I know, I said I'd wait outside, but I'm getting worried. maybe she hurt herself. I enter the flat quietly and sneak to the bathroom quietly.

(after Rene left, Rene didn't lock the door again)

(If my Rene is trying to become a woman, she would get into feminine habits and customs. Don't know how it is in Germany, but it's very common for women in the US to shave their legs and underarms. I personally stop shaving in winter just to give myself an extra layer of fur to help keep myself warm against the cold.)

Rene: Had gotten out of the tub and gotten ahold of his razor blade. He slashed his wrists and turned on the warm water, climbing back into the tub.

(No rene didn't lock the door again.)

I hear the water running. ~ah, she's making herself a nice hot bath. she's hopefully better soon. I open the door just a little bit to peek inside and ask if I could bring her anything. eating a cool pudding while in a hot bath for example. then I see the blood on the floor and the razor blades on the sink. all colour vanishes from my face as I slam the door open, see the bloodbath and Rene standing in the the tube with bleeding wrists. "Rene..."

(I suppose she is undressed?)

(Wearing her night things.)

Rene: My head slips into the water as blood mushrooms out in it.

I run towards her, turn the water off and quickly pull her out before she drowns. ~no. this isn't happening. this isn't happening. this isn't happening.~ I repeat this over and over again, while I rest her on the ground, her feet on the tube so the blood flows back to her head. "stay with me, Rene. don't leave this world." I grab a role of toilet paper and lie thick layers of about 10 pages (is it called a page when you talk about toilet paper?) on both her wrists. ~ugh, what now?~ "hang in there, Rene. you have to keep living."

(Sheets, not pages of Toilet paper.)

Rene: He doesn't hear the other.

(Don't know what the emergency number is in Germany, but here it's 911)